fedewamiranda

The last couple of days have been completely horrifying….

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up last January…I started seeing someone else in March named David and in May we broke things off and tried to become friends. The reason we broke up was because he became very controlling…well breaking up didn’t make things any better and he got more controlling than ever. On June 12 he came to my house to pick up his check from work (he hasnt changed his address yet)…things got reallybad really fast and needless to say..I spent 2 and 1/2 hours at the police station writing a statement and waiting for him to be arrested for domestic violence and the next day at 8am we proceeded to go to the court room to file a PPO…I was informed that unless he make bail (1,250, because he only has to pay 10 percent) that he was going tobe in jail until his court date on June 22…since then I have not been keeping up with my diet goals. I have been scared and panicky (I don’t know if that is a word) anyways, I haven’t been able to sleep…I can’t stay home alone, I am freaking myself out and having panic attacks, and I haven’t been able to turn the lights off anywhere that I am at in my house. It has been very stressful and I just want it to end…Today I am going to try and get back on track of my dieting. So I am hoping things go well…Im not sure of my wieght since the last time I weighed in but I am going to diet todayand then start my weigh-in’s tomorrow so that I don’t get too discrouaged

Okay so today was not a very good day at all. Last night I didn’t work out like I was supposed to because I was upset and discouraged. So I went from 210 to 211 which doesn’t surprise me. It made me a little upset this morning but I knew it was coming and I told myself not to get discouraged too much because I could still get back on track and reach my goal. However I ate 2 dougnuts and taco bell today so I feel a little more discouraged but I am determined to work out tonight and go back down to 210 for tomorrow morning.

Okay everyone. In August (23rd to be exact) I move into my dorm at Olivet College. I am very excited however, I have been planning my entire life to feel good about myself before I go off to a dorm. For, reasons such as confidence I would like to achieve this goal. So I have given myself the challenge of loosing a pound a day so that by August 23rd I will be a lot closer to my goal weight and I should feel pretty good about myself. So on monday I started this goal. I ate healthy and I worked out (Hip Hop Abs). On tuesday morning I weighed myself and I had lost 1 pound. Last night (tuesday) I did hip hop abs again and then after that I made my sister run around the little loop of our subdivision with me. I know it’s not that far but I don’t usually run and I ran practically the whole time there was only one time in the beginning where I walked and it was right after I started really fast so there was a reason. My sister runs a lot and she loves to so she showed me how to run so that I won’t get tired so easily. She also promised to run and do hip hop abs with me whenever she wasn’t at practice so tongiht we are doing it again. Oh yeah and this morning when I weighed myself I had lost another pound so 2 pounds total and 2 days down YAY!! I’m feeling better about myself already. Also I found this thinspiration journal online and it came from someone who is basically encouraging people to be anarexic. However I’m not looking to do that but there was one journal entry that even though in the end they are basically saying be “ana” I just look at it as a word of encouragement and I read it to myself over and over again because it just talks about not taking more than a little bit of food and stuff like that and it really helps, when I feel like eating something that isnt’ good for me I actually start to recite some of the things from that entry in my head.

 Good luck to everyone

Hi Everyone!

Okay so I know I have been MIA for a while and trust me I’m feeling it. Not being on here really does affect my weight loss…it must…whenever I get on here all the time I loose the weight I need to but when I start to get on less and less I don’t loose I usually gain.

So here is the update since I have been gone…I wouldn’t really say much of it is good but I guess there are a few things that I can be proud of:

I have gained weight…I am embarrased to say but that is the truth and it isn’t just a little weight…NO…I am at 212 which is the highest I have weighed in my entire life. I weighed the highest in my life at 199 so 212 is quite a jump…also I think it disturbes me the most because I gained it within about 3 or 4 months and I really can’t figure out why. I mean I haven’t really eaten anything more so I just don’t know what to say about it…it makes me more upset and depressed because of the very reason that I don’t know what is causing the problem. I have been very upset and despressed lately but mainly because of the weight gain. But anyways. So I will put my scale up again on this website and I am determined to loose it.

On the upside Saturday night I rode a 16 mile bike ride. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to go for a bike ride and of course I was feeling very giddy (lol) for the day so I said of course. We go into Lansing and then he takes me on this trail well lets just say although I wanted to keep going I was hurting pretty bad in my legs but I kept going the entire 8 miles and just when I thought wow I did a great job I’m so proud of myself I realized dammit I have to ride back (lol) however, i pushed myself to do it (mainly because we were in not such a good part of town and it was getting  dark) but either way I did it. 16 miles, now that I was proud of I like to ride my bike but I can honestly say I have never riden more than probably 5 or so miles…I am very glad to say that I made it and it felt really good to have accomplished it.

Okay so I already posted a blog today but I am so excited so I had to login and post this one. First off when I got home I did eat half a bagel with peanut butter just for a lite snack. I also ate a veggie (celery). For Dinner I had green beans and honey mustard chicken (new recipe…so good)

 But the reason i’m so EXCITED…IS BECAUSE I HAVEN’T RUN IN LIEK 2 MONTHS NOW LIKE I SAID I WAS GOING TO START(DIDN’T HAPPEN). I decided today that i was going to run a quarter mile. So i got on the treadmill and I walked a quarter mile and then i started running and i just kept on running and watching the tv and listening to my ipod and i looked down and i was almost done with my quarter mile so I just kept going thinking i would stop at the next half marker to make a quarter and a half mile but i just kept running. when i was all done I ran a LITTLE OVER A HALF MILE =] YEA!!!! I’M SO EXCITED I CAN’T BELEIVE I RAN THAT FAR AND TRUTHFULLY IF I WOULD HAVE PUSHED MY SELF A LITTLE MORE I PROBABLY COULD HAVE RUN EVEN FARTHER…

So I haven’t had a computer for awhile as mine is being fixed. But I should get it back the middle of this week at the latest. Thank goodness. I feel so lost without my lap top. I can’t get on here and write and when I cant get on here I loose my focus and i usually end up gaining. Which you can bet I did. But it’s okay I’m just back up to my starting of 197 which I had only lost 3 pounds in the first place ( i think ). But I am back on track. I ate 2 eggs for breakfast. A jimmy johns sub and an orange for lunch (which means I had my bread for the day) and I have drank 2 bottles of water. so i’m doing good. I just need to throw in 4 vegetable servings or at least be close. I need a  glass of milk and I need to eat dinner. without bread. or a carb (such as rice pasta or bread). I know that I am supposed to drink 8 glasses of water and trust me I LOVE water I have no problem achieving that goal but how many glasses are in a regular water bottle that way I can keep track better?

So this weekend was Valentines Day and I will admit that I didn’t do to hot. But that’s okay. I just skipped weighing myself this morning so that I wouldn’t get discouraged. This morning I didn’t have time to make eggs so I had chickend salad on a bagel just half a bagel though. It was yummy.

I just got done eating and orange for a snack too. =]

So as far as new news goes from this weekend. One thank you for all the comments on my last blog you guys are all amazing and I’m so glad I get on here. It is honestly the only thing that motivates me to do anything. And I can say that honestly becuase when Idon’t get on here or I forget to get on here I never do very good =].

On friday I signed up to be an avon representitive. mainly so that I can raise money to go to college. I’m also deciding to put half my earnings to either St. Jude’s Hospital or Breast Cancer. I’ll probably alternate between the two. I’m so excited to be able to start raising money for a good cause. Also if you have any other ideas of good places the money can go let me know. I know there are lots out there and I am willing to donate to any although I have to raise money first lol which means I have to find customers but I’m sure i’ll get those. =] sometime hehe.

But if anyone is at all interested in AVON my site is www.youravon.com/mfedewa

You can order online or whatever you want. If you have any questions there is contact info on there and also I mean you obviously know i Have a buddy slim account lol. So yeah. Let me know if you ever do order anything off of there becuase I would like to send you my thanks =] There is also something kinda fun I’m doing wjith it. For anyone who buys from the site or brochure or whatever as long as it is bought from me or through me, if that person can get three other peple or even two others to buy soemthing on a different order or possibly even their order than I am willing to give the person (who got the other people lol) 2o-30% off their order =].

So lemme know and have fun. Hope everyone does good this week. You are all great.

So I didn’t blog yesterday and I can say that I also didn’t do so well yesterday…coincidence? I think not.

 I won’t go into yesterday but i did bad. I ate a lot of breaded things like a piece of pizza (it was quite small…so proud about that one). A hot pocket and also I broke my fast food promise and ate a burrito from mcdonalds for breakfast. However I didn’t eat it out of temptation I ate it out of  forgetfulness. When I was getting McDonalds I didn’t think “Oh I can’t eat that…oh i’m gonna ne ways.” I thought “Okay well this will be my one bread.” So I actually did it thinking it was okay and then after I ate it, it hit me…”Crap, I said I wasn’t going to eat fast food.”

Despite the fact that I didn’t do to well, I am not going to get upset becuase there is nothing I can do about it but move on and do better today. And I have.

For breakfast I ate eggs and ham. I didn’t have my class of milk but I did eat =] For lunch I am having chicken salad sandwhich minus the bread and I am eating it out of a bowl…its actually quite good and an orage. Since I ate a lot of bread yesterday I am trying to not eat any today so tonight I have already planned on having lettuce wraps for dinner. Fora anyone who has never tried these they are really good. You just take a piece of lettuce and you make chicken and this sauce (lol can’t tell you what its called cuz I don’t know =]) and you mix the chicken with veggies and you set it all on the lettuce and eat it like that it’s so good.

So I am still going good on this whole new diet thing…although I mean it has only been 2 days but hey that’s long than I have been able to last in a long while. For breakfast…well I didn’t really eat breakfast and before anyone tells me how bad that is…I already know =] I was running extremely late so I grabbed a block of cheese and I did manage to eat a good half of it,which isn’t surprising because I love cheese!! So I mean I did eat something just not what I normally eat which is eggs and a friut.

Lunch I did well on too and it was better…I am full but good full =] If you have ever had Jimmy Johns or if you like Jimmy Johns or even if you’ve never been you absolutly have to try one of their Unwhiches. They are to die for. My mom and I discovered them when we were trying to figure out what we could eat for lunch in the first phase of the south beach diet, and we have been eating them ever since diet or no diet. Basically you can order any sandwhcih you want in Jimmy Johns and you just say you want it as an Unwhich. They make you the same sandwhich as always but they wrap it in a giant piece of lettuce. And let me tell you at first I thought this was gonna be gross…cuz I mean really when you think of a large piece of lettuce…does that really sound appetizing to you? Well not to me…but I’m telling ya these things are amazing. And Healthier than the bread =] It’s a win win situation YEAH!!!!

 So I don’t know what I’m doing about dinner yet, but I have EP meeting which is sort of like a youth group at my new church but It’s for 18 - 30 year olds.  it is really fun I only just started goign last week since we just started going to this church (which also is the most amazing thing I have done in awhile and I absolutly love it =]) So this will be my second week going and we are going to all get together this week and play laser tag…FUN! I’ve never been so I’m excited.

So dinner will happen sometime after probably nine which also isn’t really a good thing but hey I got to eat sometime and since I don’t get out of work till 5 and by the time I get home it will be 530 and then I have to be at the meeting at 7 but I have to drive a half hour and also go to the store first…i just really don’t see where eating fits in lol. So I have to get back to work but just figured I would update how things are going since ya know it helps me to.

Ps. I lost three pounds =]

 GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE…I LOVE YOU GUYS

Today I have been following my plan good so far.

 For Breakfast I had 2 over easy eggs and a glass of milk. I ate 2 cheesesticks for a mid morning snack. For lunch I am having a salad which will also take care two servings of vegetables for me. And I ate an orange which covers my fruit serving. I have succeeded in drinking one water bottle (which isn’t surprising…what is surprising is that it is noon and I haven’t completed my 8 cups…I drink a lot of water lol).

 Tonight I plan on having probably a cheese stick and a vegetable when I get home or maybe just a vegetable and water. For dinner I’m not sure what my dad plans on making but I can have my one carb/bread so I should be okay there and then I just need to complete one more serving of vegetables and I will be all set. Then if i’m hungry I can have sugar free jell-o yeah!!! (I hate jello but surprisingly I love sugar free kind. Is that odd or what?) =]

 Well I have to get going to class but I wish everyone the best of luck and have a great day =]